My Heart to Take
by SwordxPen
Summary: A collection of one shots all centering around touken.


Summary: Touka has no idea that Rize is a ghoul and when her best friend, Kaneki, shows interest in the girl, Touka can't help but feel something is off about the entirety of the situation.

Author's note: Basically just a collection of drabbles and one-shots I'm going to dump here when I get in the touken mood. Requests are welcomed, but there is no guarantee that I will write it.

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><p>Touka doesn't like her. Not one bit.<p>

The girl with long lavender hair is all sunshine and lollipops and is so sickeningly cute that it makes her want to vomit all over the prissy pastel dresses she wears. She talks in annoyingly high falsetto that makes Touka cringe every time she hears the sirupy tone and she daintily sips her iced coffee as if she were some princess. Then there is also the little fact that her best friend is chatting up a storm with the girl, his red cheeks visible all the way from behind the counter across the Anteiku.

"Rize," Kaneki tells her after the girl leaves. "She is so… she is just so amazing Touka. She's is so smart, and funny, and she even likes the same book I do." He lifts up his worn copy of _Egg of the Black Goat_ for emphasis, his eyes starstruck.

"I'm going to ask her out."

Touka drops the empty cup from the table she is cleaning and it shatters at their feet in a thousand pieces.

"Wow," Kaneki peers at the fragments on the floor in slight surprise. "I don't think I've ever seen you break something."

_"__You're going to ask her out?"_

Now he's looking at her in surprise. "You sound upset."

And she is but how does she describe that there is something off about the first person she's seen Kaneki show interest in? How Rize's smiles seem different from his in a way she can't explain. That there is just something off about her.

"I don't like her." She says.

His brows draw in and his lips turndown in the way the do when he's upset. "Why?" He sounds defensive and she struggles to find a reason.

"I don't know. You guys don't seem like a good match." She finishes lamely.

Kaneki wears an expression of disappointment and it takes Touka a second to realize that it's because he values her opinion so much as to not ask the girl who likes his favorite book out. It turns her insides mushy in an overly emotional way she doesn't like.

She sighs. "But if you really like her you should go for it."

Kaneki smiles as if she just gave him the world.

. . .

"Careful, Touka, don't break the poor cup. What did it ever do to you?" Hide grins at her and she releases the tight grip on the coffee mug she hadn't realized she'd been holding. He follows her gaze to the couple by the window. "Poor guy, she is so out of his league…"

_I think it's the other way around_ she wants to snark back at him but she keeps her mouth shut. She really doesn't know Hide that well, but he's close friends with Kaneki and thus her's by extension.

"I think she's weird." Touch scowls and his eyes light up.

"My, my, Touka, is that _jealousy _I hear?"

She wants to shove the wet rag she is holding down his throat. "Shut up, I don't like Kaneki that way, we're just friends."

"Methinks thou doth protest too much."

"You little-"

"Rize said yes!" Kaneki sings, interrupting Hide's imminent doom. It takes him a moment to pick up the tension Touka is radiating. "Did I miss something?"

Hide doesn't mask his laughter which only makes her reply harsher. "No!"

Kaneki recoils a bit, and Hide taps his fingers over his mouth once before speaking. "That's great, man, I had complete faith in you."

Touka doesn't call out his lie because she had just been doing the same thing.

. . .

Touka blasts her music until her ears hurt and tries to concentrate on her homework that late Friday night, but all she can think about is Kaneki holding hands with Rize, and laughing about that stupid book of his. After an hour of algebra passes, she gives up on it altogether and settles for watching TV.

_If you don't see results in three months, you will get your money back guarantee-_

_How could you do this to me?! I trusted you-_

_And after letting it simmer for three hours-_

_Two young teens have been found in the wreckage of a construction sight on-_

Touka quickly flips back to the channel, the screen panning past police barriers trying to get shots off the twisted heap of broken beams.

_The two have not yet been identified, but sources say things are not looking good for the couple who have now been transported to the hospital._

The nausea in the back of her throat resides long before she gets the phone call from Hide. "Touka… you need to get over to the hospital quick… something's… something's happened."

. . .

Touka paces the length of the hall, stopping every so often to look past the windows of the operating doors as if she could somehow magically yield Kaneki to walk through them. But his organs have been scrambled to mush so she's pretty sure he won't be walking for anytime soon.

Hide offers a piece of his candy bar he got from the nearby vending machine but she snaps at him because she doesn't feel like keeping up her facade at the moment.

The nurse comes in thirteen hours later, and by then Touka is curled up on the uncomfortable waiting room chairs, falling miserably at the prospect of sleeping, Hide unconscious and drooling beside her.

"Are you the family of Kaneki Ken?"

"No," Hide answers stupidly, fresh out of the haze of sleep and Touka digs her elbow sharply into his side.

"Hide's a friend." She lies smoothly. "I'm Kaneki's fiancee."

The nurse purses her lips and peers closer at Touka's face. She is only sixteen, but she has always looked old for her age, most strangers assuming she's in college when they talk to her. And with the sharp cut of her hair that makes her face more angular, and dark bags under night from a sleepless night she is positive she can pass for nineteen. She's only thankful her sleeves are long enough to cover her fingers and thus the 'ring.'

Touka assumes she passes the test, because the nurse beckons her to follow. Hide throws her a dirty look and she merely shrugs as they turn the corner. The nurse leads her through a maze of hallways before stopping in front of an unmarked door, nodding at Touka, and leaving for what she guesses is privacy.

Touka takes a deep breath and turns the handle… and her hear plummets to her feet.

Her friend is unconscious, hooked up to so many machines it makes her chokes, and so still she checks his pulse just to make sure he's breathing. Dark bruises blossom over his arms and it makes her sick to think how damaged the rest of him is.

She strokes her fingers lightly across his cold forehead, brushing the dark locks to the side. "Humans… so fragile…" And she almost finds the concept funny.

. . .

One day later Kaneki wakes up, and three days later he is actually coherent and does not need the mask to breathe for him. Touka is lucky to be there when he does.

"What…" His voice is thick. "What happened?"

Something snarky about Rize bubbles to her lips but she forces it down because she doesn't think her humor will be appreciated at this moment. Especially now since said girl was dead.

"There was an accident… do you remember?"

Kaneki's brow doesn't furrow in concentration, instead his eyes wander to their linked hands, and then travel to her face, lingering with an expression she can't identify. Her stomach clenches and she turns her head so he can't see the redness of her cheeks.

Touka opens her mouth to say something else but the nurse chooses that moment to bustle in, presenting a tray of food the makes Touka nose scrunch. She can smell the rotten fish from across the room.

The nurse raises the bed, forcing Kaneki into an upright position, plops the tray of food onto his lap, checks the IV hanging beside them and writes something down on a chart. The older woman only stops at the doorway and turns back to them, a small grin on her face.

"You're lucky to have such a pretty girl young man, your fiancee has been here everyday." And then she walks out the door, leaving Touka's cheeks inflamed and choking on air.

Explanations bubble to her lips but when she turns back to Kaneki the expression on his face makes her stop cold. He's staring at the plate in front of him as if he had just been presented with a slab of road kill, his nose upturned in a way that was so similar to her own seconds before.

The look is more than one of simple distaste - it's full-blown disgust.

"Hey," She lays a hand on his shoulder and he jumps. "You need to eat."

"It looks so… _unappetizing_." He settles on the word.

"All hospital food is." Touka laughs and picks up the chopsticks. She tries to go for something that easier to choke up and ends up going with the fish, tearing a tiny piece of slimy meat away.

The constancy is similar to flesh and she tries to imagine what the horrible taste would compare to if she wasn't a ghoul. She fake chews three times, the meat burning a whole on the back of her tongue and she swallows it whole without a shudder.

"There." She hopes her smile doesn't appear forced and takes a sip from the glass of water. "Now you eat."

Kaneki picks up the chopsticks with trembling fingers. He chooses the fish as well, bringing up a piece to his mouth before pausing. Touka rolls her eyes.

"Just get on with it."

A sound of discontent escapes his lips and he quickly shoves the piece into mouth. He only chews once before his hands fly to his mouth. Touka's eyes widen.

She barely gets the trash bin under his chin before he expels all of the contents of his stomach. Without thinking, she rubs her hand in calming circles around his back, and once he stops, she replaces the bin with the glass of water.

"Thank you." He rasps.

"No problem."

. . .

"…And he won't answer any of my calls, and I've even resorted to calling Hide but he says Kaneki is doing the same to him."

Yoshimura smiles the infuriating smile that Touka has grown used to. "If you're so worried, why don't you go see him."

"I'm not worried." She snaps and they go back to washing the tables in silence.

Yoshimura speaks again after a moment. "I wonder what happened to the Bing Eater girl who came in a while ago."

Touka's scrubbing comes to a thundering halt. "…Binge Eater girl?"

"Yes, a ghoul who came here a few weeks ago. I talked to her once about our territories."

Her stomach shifts. "Do you remember her name?"

"I don't recall." Another pause. "Rize, I think."

. . .

Kaneki's apartment door is ajar when she gets there. She flies through the doorway at a barely passible human speed, calling out for him but his name dies on her tongue as she enters kitchen.

Food is scattered everywhere, half eaten and half cooked laying in soggy, rotting piles. The refrigerator door is ajar, revealing the empty shelves and a stench hangs in the air, only definable as vomit.

She touches the hamburger on the counter, her fingers pressing into the meat. Warmth.

_He's not far. _Touka swivels on her heel and flees the apartment, entering the busy streets of Tokyo.

. . .

She weaves through the crowd, walking quickly through the people, and bumping into shoulders with enough force that people give her pause. She resists calling his name because the last thing she needs is even more unwanted attention.

An hour later she finds him and it was miracle that she ever did. Walking against the flow of people on the sidewalk, ambling at a too slow of a pace with his hood up and messy steps, a passerby easily could mistake him as a drunk.

"Kaneki." She calls a little too loudly, her voice laced with relief. He freezes and his head jerks up at his name, his face puffy. He's been crying.

The wind shifts and that is all it takes for things to go horrendously wrong. The scent is swept to her a second later than him, and she calls out again, to stop him, to do _anything_, but he is already off and running, disappearing down the alleyway he'd been standing by.

It's all she needs to confirm her suspicions.

She follows, dashing with an inhuman speed as soon as the darkness of the alleyway protects her from the passing people, her mind conjuring all sorts of scenarios she's about to fly into.

But what she finds isn't one of them.

She stops about ten paces away from him, Kaneki's on his knees, facing away from her, his back trembling with suppressed sobs and just beyond him she can see the mangled form of a corspe, red pooling from the indiscernible face. Touka's eyes dart to the top of the surrounding buildings - a suicide jumper.

"Flesh." He speaks softly, but he couldn't have been louder. "Human flesh is what brought me here."

She can't tell if he's speaking to her.

He chokes on saliva and reaches a trembling palm outward, a gesture of intense wanting, but with a sudden switch of moods, he lets out an inhuman growl, and forces his hand back to his chest, a string of expletives leaving his mouth.

_Dammit, dammit, dammit!_

He jolts when she places a hand on his shoulder and turns his head slightly, just enough to catch sight of her shoes. "Touka."

"Look at me."

He trembles, curling farther into himself. "No, I've turned into a monster."

She drops to her knees and her fingers trail his face softly wiping away tears she can't see, comforting him in the only way she knows how too - the only way she knows he will respond. Her fingers graze the arch of his eyebrows, the curve of his jaw, and settles under his chin before pausing.

"Then what does that make me?"

She tugs his chin upward, and they both freeze when their eyes meet, a mirror of twin reactions. He 's looking at both of her eyes the way she's looking at his right, red meeting red.

She can see the struggle for words and time seems infinite before he speaks. "All this time?"

Touka nods.

To her immense surprise, a harsh bark of bitter laughter leaves his lips and echoes into the night. "How could I not have noticed… the way you never ate unless prompted and always very little. You'd think I would've noticed after seven years…_ How many people have you killed?_"

Touka freezes at his words that rub her in every wrong way and shifts to her feet in a lithe movement. "You're being pathetic."

She reaches for the suicide jumper, her fingers clamping around the man's wrist and twisting it around until the bone snapped, then tugged harshly and with a slosh of muscles and blood, ripped it from his body.

If a monster was what he wanted, then a monster is what he would get.

She shoved the arm under his mouth. "Eat."

Kaneki's hand faltered outward, his eyes alight with the same predatory look that was reminiscent of Rize's smile, but he slapped the arm out of her hand, the appendage slamming to the ground with a splatter of red.

"If you don't eat this you will die." She murmurs, her brows raised. She reaches for the arm again and rips a handful of flesh from it.

He knows her too well because he leaps out of the way before she can slam it down his throat.

"Eat, idiot!"

"I can't!" Kaneki sobs openly now, broken, ugly sobbing and the flesh slips for her hand. "I just can't…"

He stumbles forward and collapses into her arms. Her legs buckle under the weight, sending them to the ground, and landing roughly on their knees sending a jarring jolt of pain up her legs. His arms clench around her, one hand pressing into the small of her, the other between her shoulder blades, and he buries his head into her neck, searching for comfort, for repentance.

Her arms float uncertainly over his form before resting lightly on his shoulders. She speaks softly into his ear. "If you don't eat you will die."

Kaneki shakes. "I can't."

"He was a suicide jumper, he was gone long before we got here." She reassures him. "No one was to be killed."

"Not another human being. I can't."

It's nearly impossible for the answer not to form in her mind. With him breath deeply into her throat, his nose hovering her shoulder, and harsh hold on her body, it's a simple leap to make.

Touka reaches to her shoulder his head is resting over, pulling away the layer of clothing to reveal the bare skin.

"Eat," she orders and he jerks backward, his eyes widening.

"_No."_

_"_If you refuse to eat him, you leave me no choice. This way you're not eating a human."

"Touka,_ I-I can't_._" _He stutters, shaking his head.

"It works differently with humans and ghouls. Eat a human, you can make it a week without eating. Eat a ghoul, you can go on much longer, even if only a small amount."

She struggles to keep her tone soft and soothing, knowing it will be more affective then if she were to yell. "One bite." She urges.

His steel eyes meet her again, radiant in his tears, and past the wetness she can see the temptation blossoming. He sounds uncertain and confused, the hunger overcoming coherent thought. "_One bite?_"

"One bite," she reassures.

Kaneki licks his lips, a dazed look coming to his face as he leans forward. "I'm sorry." He murmurs.

"No," Touka shakes her head at the stupid boy who has made her go soft. "I am."

And his teeth sink into her skin.


End file.
